Fuck being 'too much' of Anything 5/1/23

I think it's beautiful how we all feel. I believe it's beautiful we share emotions and in one way or another, you come across someone who has experienced the same thing you have, yet in their own distinctive way. I think it's beautiful we feel the same warmth from the sun on our skin whenever the clouds allow it. Just as its beautiful we feel the same moistness in the air and wetness on our skin when it rains.

We've all felt the same uncomfortable feelings like having your shoes and sock soaked, or tripping over something and nearly falling, sweating in the heat so much you want to rip your skin off, or when you cut yourself and forget till you put on hand sanitizer. We all hold a different body, mind, and soul... yet so much of what we experience day to say is indistinguishable.

As I lay in bed at 2:26am May 1st 2023, I think about how beautiful it is to be human. I am entirely grateful and honored to live the life that I get to live. Being who you are is your global force. I think when you give yourself space to breathe within your being, and allow yourself to simply just be - there is an unshakable strength to that. A power so bright, people can sense when you're being genuine and when you aren't. Or Id hope so. There is a level of naiveness to us all... I no longer hold the rejection of that. We don't know everything. We only know what we choose to know, and we only learn what we give ourselves time to understand.

Our memories can leave us fooled to believe something we were told at a young age, but how often do we revisit these memories? How often should we re-evaluate our values? What are your values? Im reading a book by Jay Shetty, an ex monk, and he early in the book uses a quote Albert Einstein once said "If you cant explain something simply, you don't understand it well enough". This was humbling for me to read as sometimes I think Ive grasped a piece of knowledge, which innately affect my values, sometimes in the end I realize I did not get it at all. We only know what we know, and there is so much to this existence that we do not.

One thing I can explain simply is that I see beauty in the mundane. I see beauty in you and in what you do. What you've been through, your perspective, your mind, your body, your soul. I understand beauty lives in the "thank you"s' and "have a nice day"s' from stranger to stranger. It lies within the eyes locked from stranger to stranger amongst a feeling in your gut that you felt something carry from them over to you. There is beauty in you taking the time to read my silly words. There is beauty in the way you make your bed, or clean your room, or cook the foods you eat, or pick out what you wear every morning. There is beauty in the flowers we all see, the clouds in the sky that we make out shapes to, the itchy grass we all know the feeling of.

There is so much beauty within you! In your memories, in your now and tomorrow. I see it even if theres pain, because despite the darkness served in our lives, we are so powerful, we can choose to be a light. We can admit our wrongs, learn to forgive, and be tender to the old parts of us that did/said/or experienced ugly things. We can read books instead of drowning in addictive dopamine (social media). We can choose to move our bodies, rather than live in stiff pains. We can choose to paint or draw, rather than envy those who paint or draw. We can say the dumbest things in the world to our journals, rather than project our hurt and pains onto others. I chose to be a light despite the adversity Ive experienced. Ive watched other people around me do it too.. and that breaks all the walls for me of naiveness when it comes to life being beautiful. You can choose to be a light too. Or you can inspire people around you to do it too, instead of watching people drown.

Hate is a strong word but I nearly hate the phrase "we live in a cruel world/live in a fucked up world". Theres a huge lack of accountability in that statement, in my opinion. What about "there are people who suffer in the world and hurt people hurt people, but I am trying my best to heal so I no longer hurt others, so I no longer have to live in a world full of hurt". A lot more excessive I know, but "we live in a cruel world", is just way too easy to say for the everyday complexity behind existence. And we know nothing about existing is easy. It is perplexing and painful, but even in those moments lies beauty. Growth. Healing. Novelty. Wisdom.

Words are powerful and what we put out into existence will become true. I think it would be cool to live in a world where we're all on the same page about manifesting something positive for generations to come. "We live in a world where _________" Fill in the blank. With an adjective that describes the world you actually want to live in.

Sometimes I think Im too much of an optimist or too hopeful, but fuck being 'too much' of anything. And fuck anyones judgement of you or me. I allow myself to be who I am at heart, fully, unapologetically. Similarly, I accept those around me as they are. And I think that is magnificent. I think that is what we need more of in the world, hold your judgements, and just let people be, as we experience the same sun, moon and stars. We experience similar discomforts and pains.

However, we process them entirely differently, and I think allowing people that space to be themselves, would allow for healing in a worldly manner. Acceptance of one another. Even your worst enemy. Sometimes I feel bad for imagining a fantasy of living in a world where we live impartially, it might be too big of a dream in my lifetime (which is unfortunate), but I will still day-dream my fantasy.

I will continue to choose to see beauty in it all.