Mind Dump: "Good Energy"

Ever since my spiritual journey began late 2019, Ive grown to become a positive light in peoples lives. I like to make people feel good, loved, and important. Simply because I think we are all worthy of that recognition. More often, latest in my life, specifically the last year, i've gotten so many "you have such good energy" comments. Or "wow i love your energy" or "wow you're so positive i love it". Im incredibly grateful for these moments, as I'm able to recognize we are constantly projecting ourselves onto our own experiences. And if someone saw a high light in me, I know they are capable of seeing high light within themselves.

Basics of spirituality tells us we attract what we are.

The time Ive had turbulence within my own life, I've recognized this filters out through to the rest of my perceptions of people. The more I focus on things that are wrong in my life, the more I am likely to see what is 'wrong' in others. But really, who are we to judge. Is there actually anything 'wrong' with anyone... I would answer yes and no.

Ive decided, about an hour ago to be exact, I want to work deeply and rekindle my spiritual habits. I intend to invest more time into myself to further attract others who do the same. Ive held so much optimism in my heart, so Ive pretended I can persevere through other peoples negative energy and pain, but I simply can not. I don't shame or blame others for the state that they're in. However, I believe in the philosophy that we have full autonomy over our bodies, or 'bubble', and what we allow in our space. Our space is so sensitive. Ive held on to the victim hoodie for my whole life and Ive decided to take it off fully. I am not my pain or hurt, I am so much more. You are so much more.

I listened to a podcast with Cole Sprouse where he says "we trade trauma for wisdom". That touched me to the deepest river of my ocean of emotions. Which brings me to the seed of this blog, to raise awareness of the baggage we all carry. Victimhood is another sub topic of its own I can dive into another time. I just wanted to mention this to further explain, I don't feel sorry for myself anymore. I don't want to feel sorry either. Life doesn't feel good sometimes - that is just a pure fact. More often for some, none for few. Things are unfair sometimes and don't make sense, for everyone. I ask myself what I think is more worth living, sitting in self loathe, anxiety, fear etc. Or sitting in gratitude, love, admiration for ones own wisdom. I would rather be in the second chair.

Easier said than done, I know. Trust me. I know.

Ive learned that I'm being placed in a moment of my path where Im being given the opportunity to rid/let go of all blockages, to make room for more goodness to seep in. Ive worked hard to learn how to love myself, and Im in a place where I would be so grateful to have that same encouraging energy around me. Inspiring People who feel the high level of gratuity that fuels the heart, body, mind, and soul. People who can show me how to love myself in more intricate ways. No one should have to be in an environment where they feel robbed of all their good energy they worked hard to have. Ive noticed, I need a positive environment throughout all aspects of my life to be able to fuel my "good energy".

Some positive affirmations :

"I am full of health, wealth, and abundance", "I am a positive beam of light", "I am confident".

Imagine how many times Ive had to tell myself these things in the morning to believe them... but hey, it worked!

I think it's important we all hold ourselves accountable as a humanity, to look in the mirror and do our own work. I’m not gonna be anyone’s positive energy source anymore because Im not, or ever really was. It is all perspective, thoughts, and feelings. It’s felt draining, letting myself bump into hiccups. As Jennettes therapist in her book says "don't let a slip become a slide". It took me losing what feels like everything, to realize that ultimately, I will always be the one that has to save me. So I will piece myself back together, while I feel no one actually cares.

What I mean by that : We can only genuinely love and appreciate others when we love and appreciate ourselves.

Who is capable of truly ever loving me?

Am I capable of truly loving another?

Is all of this rooted in the feeling of a lack of recognition from others?

Am i seeking validation?

It is exhausting to live in my mind sometimes. Constant questions.

Our life is in our own hands and shows us the reflection of how we view ourselves. Pain is a gift and will always show me way more than temporary gratification can. It's time I let go of the silly little habits that keep me in the same loop hole. It's time I take the weight of negativity around me for what it is; blocks that are in my way.

I plan on focusing on my spirituality for some time, more seriously for the first time in a long while. Re-building my belief systems and healthy habits. Life is beautiful, and I want to live it to its fullest. Im excited to see who I become/attract on the other side. When I am most pure, genuine, and free from the past. When I am who I'm truly meant to be. With the people I'm truly meant to be with.