Life isnt a race...

February 14 2023

Im having one of those days where Im being forced to remember life is not a race. There is no finish line other than the imaginary ones we create in our own heads.

Since moving to New York city, 12 days ago to be exact, I have learned so much about my own way of living. Ive learned I like to live a slow paced life. I like to be mindful while I wash my dishes, or my hair, or sweep the dust off the floor. I like to be present with each step and give each task my undivided attention. It brings me Peace and makes me feel calm.

On the contrast, today, for the first time I feel like all Ive done thus far hasn't been enough. I know I'm not the only one that struggles with this feeling. The culture in the US of A has engrained in our minds that theres always more you could do or theres always more money for you to make.

Whats triggered these thoughts of not doing enough, is missing my workout yesterday, a Monday. The start of the week. However last week during my first official week in NY, I went 5 times. (pretty amazing fucking start).

I think I'm starting to realize my standards have risen. I expect a lot from myself and what I do for my health. Sometimes I expect the impossible: perfection. When I know perfection doesn't really exist... or well what does perfection really mean?.. According to the dictionary it means to

"be free of flaws, flawlessness".

Missing my workout yesterday on one hand can be perceived as a flaw. The part of me that has high expectations may see it that way. But also, missing my workout can also be seen as a form of self love. The part of me who simply understood I needed another day of true rest, after a long weekend.

I still embarked on some arts and crafts, I did my nails, I straightened my hair, lightly cleaned the bathroom, organized my room, swept. All productive things. I think I must find a balance between acknowledging my 'flaws', while acknowledging my baby successes.

I could've woken up yesterday and done nothing. I know we've all had those days, Ive had some during my peak of depressive episodes. Theres nothing wrong with those days either. I think it's just truly letting the body be. Allowing to flow through its emotions and end up on the other side where those emotions pass.

I want to take a moment to say that I'm proud of you. You reading and you who types it out. We are enough just the way we are. No one is perfect. I am not perfect. I love me and all of my silly little 'flaws', and I hope you love yours. And if not, thats okay too. It took me a very long time to love them too and realize We are enough just by being, existing.

I started to get a little impatient today for the first time. I want to start working and moving my body for money again. However on the other hand Im also being given the opportunity to tune into myself and my most deepest thoughts/or self. Im being given time to explore my creative endeavors. Create, read, meditate, do yoga, connect with friends from home. All lovely things I love to do.

I believe that my patience will reward me with the best job Ive ever had. Maybe something that will completely change my life and bring me closer to my biggest dreams and aspirations. Maybe I've been looking in the wrong places.

I want to remain open and welcoming to all the Universe or God wants for me. Thus far I have refused to be stressed or worried about the future. So i will continue that streak, and just keep up the faith. I know Im in good hands. I trust in the unfolding of my life. I believe my angels and spirit guides are showing me the way.

2:35pm

Thank you for reading.

Happy Valentine's Day. I hope you love yours everyday.